eager for uncertainty

february 1, 2015

In this life, we all go through so much (for some, more bad than good & vice versa) that shape us and influence the way we think, act, and dream. Through this we pick up pieces of a puzzle along the way. We find that some of these pieces, that will eventually make up our life, are bruised/torn/dark/shiny, you name it. Not all of the pieces are going to fit from being bent out of shape or missing part of themselves. In the end, you won’t notice those “imperfections,” you’ll see the beautiful picture that is your life. Those “imperfections” are the things you’ll look back on with memory, savoring each moment, hard/bad or good. You’ll look back on those times seeing a point of change in your life; a place, a person, a smell, a sound that will take you back and make you remember every step of your journey that brought you to where you are.

There are a million different ways our lives can go; we are constantly making decisions that will take our life one way or another. Think of choosing a different college, or even job after graduation (which is where I’m at). I could move home, stay here in Kansas where my home has become, or I could go somewhere new. I could move near family, stay with friends, or branch out completely on my own. I could move one state over, three, or even oceans away. There are so many possibilities open to us and with each one lies a different road and a different life; each one will take us places we can’t even dream of. The hardest part is choosing just one, or, not choosing one at all, staying where we’re at because we’re just not sure. We get hesitant and scared trying to figure out if it’s “right” or not. Taking chances and putting yourself out there, for failure, for rejection; traveling and seeing new cultures and people and food; loving and losing; making friendships even if just for a day or two; taking weekend trips; talking with anyone and everyone to get new perspectives on life, even if you don’t agree or keep them; taking any and all chances to really live and not miss out… these are just a few of the things that make up what is called ‘living,’ actually living. There are so many opportunities for us to take hold of, we just have to have the courage to take the jump not knowing where we’ll land.

This is my last semester of my five, long, yet so short, years here at KU. I am now presented with entering “the real world;” this will look differently for each of us. I’m choosing the route of relative uncertainty. I’m moving to Aspen and going from there. I won’t have a 9-5 “big girl job” or what most would call a ‘normal’ lifestyle. To me, this is beautiful and I am thoroughly looking forward to it. There is something so exhilarating about not having a set path, free to do and go wherever I choose.

These next few months and even years I know are going to be filled with so much change, experiences and emotions; I couldn’t be more excited. I know it is easier said than done, and I hope this stays true, but I am looking to welcome change with open arms, I feel I already have started and it is only 2 weeks into the semester. God has great things planned and the key is having an open heart and mind to whatever comes along. We have ideas of what we think we should be doing or what our life should look like, but sometimes that’s not what God has planned. Being open to new and different people, experiences, and ideas puts you on a road destined for beauty. And beauty comes in all shapes and forms, many of which we simply refuse to open our eyes and see.

With these uncertain times ahead I am looking forward to greeting the opportunities that will come up for me to take hold of or pass on. There are going to be people and experiences that are going to touch my heart and teach me things; I cannot wait. Through faith, lots of prayers, mistakes and love I will make it through, creating a beautiful story to share along the way. I am eager for uncertainty because in that I know God is there directing me. It may not be a path I can see, but that is where Faith comes in.

live.with.abandon